What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 03:45
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What is your favourite true story to tell at a party?
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I waited trembling.
Why does cocaine makes me want to dress up and get fuck
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I will be 64.
It was going to be , some day.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We were not on the streets..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was 9 years of age.
Why are Americans obese? Is it the food or is it the psychology?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Have you ever heard of the god Priapus being the same as the god Phosphorus?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
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Comes on , in middle age.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What is your age now, and what age do you prefer to stay at forever?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But, we were locked up after school.
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Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
All the time i was locked up.
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We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why are white women not interested in dating Asian men? Are they not attractive to you at all?
(And it was in our own minds.)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was seconnd youngest,
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My family never makes their pension either.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Especially a lifetime of it.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I have no regrets .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He resisted the act ,that day.
He knew the spot.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My life is so biszare .
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She wouldn,t have been !
She loved him until the end.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She found it foreign!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i lived it daily.
This is soul school!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Would this be the day?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was scared of men, in general
She was in good health!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I don,t even have a pension.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I think the readers, may guess!
What did i know ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We all went to grammer schools
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Put me off passion for life!!
So, i spoilt her more .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I said to her
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im still living with it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So whats the point in blame.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it wasn’t much.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When she asked me how she looked .
One cannot live in the past .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Who then, do I blame.?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Ive learnt so much.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.